No, not that sort of period. We’ve covered PMS thoughts at length, and in intimate detail. We’re talking school periods – the sort that appear on your timetable between chemistry and double maths. The ones you have grand ambitions for at the start of the term, and a creeping sense of dread of by the end.
They’re the blessing of sixth form, together with your own clothes, a kettle, and the chance to legitimately lord it over your snotty inferiors; but like any BOGOFFER, they can prove ruinous.
After all, it doesn’t take 10 A*s at GCSE to realise these so-called free periods are not quite as free as they claim to be. Here then are the 19 thoughts you have when you reach a free period at school…
2. Hahaha srsly cannot believe they trust us with 50 whole minutes of free time.
3. I mean, with a fair wind and a punctual bus, I could get home and back in 50 mins. Put my slippers on, eat last night’s lasagna – hell, I could even finish off an episode of Riverdale… BUS!
4. Crap, just missed it.
5. Starbucks though. Starbucks is just down the road. Could nip in, get a Caramel frapp for me and Anika…
6. NO. Slippery slope that. Frapp it up every free, and it’s a £28 a week habit. Way too spenny. Besides, think of the sugar…
7. I’ve got it. I’m going to go the gym. 25 mins on the treadmill, quick shower and I can be back in school with 5 mins to spare. Now that’s being productive. That’s efficiency. That’s what free periods are really for.
8. Where are my trainers? Are they…
9. Yes they are. They’re at home. Next to the telly.
10. It’s fine, I’ll just do some extra reading. Miss told us to “immerse ourselves in our subject and really read around” and she’s right, you know. To the library!
11. Sooo ‘International Relations 1870-1914 by Lowe’ is missing. And ‘Locarno Diplomacy. Germany and the West 1925-9 by Jacobson’. And ‘Japan and the League of Nations.’ Has some geek taken out the whole reading list already?
12. Right. Got a sweet textbook. I’ll just get a quick Diet Coke from the vending machine (#sixthformdream), and then I’ll get stuck in.
13. This is so nice. It’s so lovely to be able to go deep into a subject I feel passionately about. This is just how I imagined sixth form would be.
14. I mean take this sentence for example: “Since coming to office in August 1923, Stresemann had devoted himself to defending the unity of the Bismarckian Reich from possible disintegration under the impact of the Ruhr invasion and Rhenish separatism…”
15. Wait. What?
16. WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
17. FFS. I’m just going to chill with the fam. That’s what they do in Community, and that is precisely the aesthetic I’m aiming for. I’ll just run through my maths homework to make sure it’s legit, then hit the common room and see who else is around.
18. Oh crap. I’ve missed two pages of maths homework. I’ve missed two whole pages of questions. I’ve ten minutes left.
19. I’m dead.